Tonight I am sitting here and thinking about “Overcoming” a lot of the baggage we carry around with us… I am speaking at my church on Sunday night about this and I am also recognizing the fact that it is also Father’s Day here in NZ! I think some of the toughest things I have had to deal with have been through Dad’s long illness and then his passing away – and I have learned a lot about looking forward in the midst of tough situations.
I can vividly remember sitting in a Neurologist’s office at Palmerston North Hospital as my Dad was asked to count backwards in 7s from 100… to cut a long story short, very simple things just weren’t coming together and it was the first time Dad’s Alzheimers had been measured or quantified for me… The journey over time that ended in the Neurologist’s office was mostly filled with anecdotes of strange incidents that when you added them together, Alzhemiers made an incredible amount of sense… but each on their own was just Dad becoming a little quirky… this was also the beginning of the end of my Dad.
My Dad passed away on the 30th of October 2000. But I don’t consider that to be when my “Dad” died… he died sometime before that… when he didn’t know that he had a son… when I became a character in a book of photos… Was I forever a 6yo to him? As I grew older, was it just the passage of time that stole my Dad away from me? Was the son he thought he had a little boy and NOT the young man that was trying to have a relationship with him? I accept that these questions are completely unanswerable… but they aren’t questions I have considered much to be honest…
All I have is hope really… I can’t change the actual events of the past, but I can change my attitude about them… Things that were hard, have slowly become lessons that I have valued learning… Hope is awesome really.